The past few months haven’t been easy, for me. I’ve had a great deal going on in my personal life, but have managed to put on a smiling face and deal with it all, head on. I did this because 1) I keep hoping everything will work out, 2) I still have school, a business, and a family to worry about and 3) I really just don’t want to be depressed and upset. Depressed and upset doesn’t solve anything, and it certainly won’t fix the problem. So, I put on a smile. I worked. I took the kids to school and played with them when they were home. I participated in family holiday events and even had loads of fun. But, I wasn’t really happy. Excited, maybe, about sales being great, or new opportunities, or Ninja finally potty training…but not happy.
And then, suddenly, I started smiling a little more. And then I started laughing a little more. I took the time to recognize my depression and say ‘Hey, Shai…cut this shit out. Treat yourself better than this’. So I found myself painting here and there, taking bubble baths before bedtime on the regular, and stopping to do nothing but drink a cup of tea and read a few pages of a book – all things I’m generally ‘too busy’ for.
A friend of mine messaged me, as she has a dozen times before, and said ‘Hey, chic, lets do lunch!!’…and I stopped putting her off and making excuses. I started having Skype dates with my darling hearts from other states – friends I love to connect with but never seem to have the time. I started focusing on everything I have right in front of me rather than worrying about what I might not have later.
I can’t say that everything is peachy – there are still days it takes everything in me to just push through and make it to the end. There are days that I am too exhausted to think straight, much less focus on work, or my family, and I just give in and crash at the end of the night. There are definitely still days where I settle into that bubble bath and just cry.
But, I’ve stopped, looked around, and found happiness in doors I forgot I left open and places I never would have looked before. I found happiness in my friends, painting, my family, sitting on the couch and simply reading in silence with someone, hearing another ‘Ching!’ from the Etsy app on my phone…dozens and dozens of little things that remind me that, here and now, I have hundreds of tiny little things to be happy about, and I can deal with tomorrow later.
Someone once told me that I make too many lists and worry too much, and I ‘just need to live’, and I’ve tried really hard over the past few weeks to do exactly that. Just live. And today, as I found myself in an inpromptu, giggle-fit-inducing tickle fight in the middle of the living room with the family, I realized that I was just living – just living, and finding unexpected happiness in lots of doors I forgot I left open.
Have you discovered any open doors lately?