A couple of weeks ago, I featured Jennifer Seitzer and her amazing Etsy shop on a Freedom Friday feature. Today, she and I have teamed up again to bring you a whole article on establishing personal power boundaries! As I mentioned before, this is a whole new world for me…but definitely a very interesting one! Let’s read and empower!
Back in 1997 I began my own spiritual journey into self. For six years I worked
intensely with my then therapist and one thing I learned were boundaries. I never
heard of that term before nor did I know that I didn’t have any which makes sense
considering I never heard of that term prior to stepping into counseling.
Growing up I never learned what healthy boundaries were so I lived my life as a
walking doormat. Sacrificing myself, my energy and my time to all the wrong
people, friends, relationships, jobs, situations, etc. I poured myself into everything I
did to the detriment of my own selfworth which fed on my zero percent of
selflove I held for myself.
My relationships were all abusive and codependent and that included the toxic
friendships I found myself in. I couldn’t find the edges where I ended and others
began. I sometimes felt powerless, unsure of who I was in relationships, and also
unheard. I felt invisible, a victim and a martyr.
This all became even more apparent in the years leading up to finally coming to
terms with my son’s addiction. When you are the mother of an addicted child our
boundaries are pushed to the farther regions of the Universe and if we have not
developed healthy boundaries or if we do not have any, it makes life twice as
chaotic than it already is.
Your ability to create and maintain boundaries in your everyday life will aid you in
your efforts to create boundaries with your addicted adult/teen child. The difficulty
lies in how you feel about yourself in addition to the relationship you currently have
with the addict.
Being an energy worker, I work a lot with our Chakra System. There are seven
major chakras associated with the human body. These major chakras are not
“objects” per se but are actually energy patterns and there are specific locations on
the body that correspond to each of them, five along the spine, and two on the
head. Each chakra is shaped like a funnel or whirlpool of energy. These whirlpools
of energy lie inside the body, along the spinal cord and up into the head. This
corresponds to a central energy channel.
When we have weakened, too rigid or no boundaries at all, we are, in essence giving
our power away. The chakra that is linked to this is the 3rd Chakra, the Solar Plexus
or in Sanskrit is called Manipura. The Solar Plexus is our power center, it defines
our selfesteem and how much or how little confidence we have. The personality
that develops through puberty is housed in the Solar Plexus. Anyone having
problems or dysfunction in the third chakra is having difficulty obtaining or
maintaining his/her own ”personal power.”
Our Solar Plexus is also where we get our ”gut instincts” from so it is important that
we begin to trust our inner voice. That inner guidance that we often doubt and hush
away has so much truth to tell us and share because that inner voice IS our Higher
Self, our Authentic voice trying to talk to us and the more we listen, the more our
inner and world opens up where once before seemed closed off. Strong
selfesteem is a required for developing intuitive skills.
Power and strength are centered in the Solar Plexus this is where your confidence
resides. Your image. Your worth, your value. Is your image authentic or distorted?
Your confidence will take constructive criticism with an open mind, or take it
personally and shut you down.
An unbalanced Solar Plexus has the distortion of always needing to be right or the
needing to always be right is also placed within your power center. Meditation, yoga
and crystals are three ways you can empower yourself and begin to heal and clear
your third chakra.
The energy of the Solar Plexus harnesses our Personal Power, to make informed,
confident healthy decisions and choices.
A blocked/unbalanced Solar Plexus will manifest as:
● Fear, anxiety
● Nervous exhaustion
● Lack of tolerance
● Need for control
What Are Boundaries and Why We Should Have Them?
The easiest way to understand how to create firm boundaries is understand what a
What is a boundary?
A boundary is the:
● Emotional and physical space between you and another person.
● Demarcation of where you end and another begins and where you begin and
● Limit or line over which you will not allow anyone to cross because of the
negative impact of its being crossed in the past.
● Established set of limits over your physical and emotional wellbeing which
you expect others to respect in their relationship with you.
● Emotional and physical space you need in order to be the real you without
the pressure from others to be something that you are not.
● Emotional and/or physical perimeter of your life which is or has been violated
when you were emotionally, verbally, physically and/or sexuallaybused.
● Healthy emotional and physical distance you can maintain between you and
another so that you do not become overly enmeshed and/or dependent.
● Appropriate amount of emotional and physical closeness you need to
maintain so that you and another do not become too detached and/or overly
Establishing boundaries makes you a safe person to with because people know
exactly where they stand with you. Boundaries are one way we take care of
ourselves, show ourselves respect and show strong selflove.
Being the mother of an addicted adult child, the one word any addict hates more
than anything is the word “No!” which makes it even more important for our well
being to establish, rebuild or create solid and firm boundaries as this is one of the
ways in which we are not only loving and caring for ourselves, we actually are
caring and loving the addict as well, even if they do not think we are.
We have both a right and a duty to protect and defend ourselves by setting healthy
boundaries. If you don’t set boundaries you are giving yourself and your power
away over to someone or the situation at hand. With boundaries you only give what
you want which means you can afford to be generous to more people over a longer
period of time.
In order for boundary setting to work for you, you must develop a commitment to
uphold what is right and true for you. You must act consistently in upholding your
boundaries and the only way to do that is to take action and practice, practice,
When working with Boundaries, I check in and work with my Solar Plexus and here
are some helpful tips to start strengthening your 3rd Chakra so you feel the
confidence within yourself to create the boundaries needed for yourself and those
● Yellow Jasper
● Yellow Calcite
● Gold Topaz
You can use these crystals and gemstones during meditation, wearing them as
jewelry, or carrying them with you such as a Crystal Medicine/Mojo Bag. The more
you surround yourself with crystal energy, the more it begins to entrain with your
energy and begins to raise your vibration to that of the crystal being used. When
making a crystal medicine bag you can add in the herbs as well that are listed below.
Here is a wonderful Solar Plexus Meditation that you may try to begin the healing
process and to maintain Manipura health. You can also hold any one or more of the
crystals during this meditation.
Solar Plexus Mediation
Sit back, relax, and take in an easy, deep breath. Release your muscles. Yo do not
have to exert any effort to sit or lie there. Allow yourself to be fully supported by
the chair or floor. Take in another gentle, deep breath and release as you exhale.
Now turn your attention to your solar plexus. This is the area of your body between
your chest and abdomen. Picture a vibrant, glowing sun in your solar plexus. Feel
its warmth and energy. Focus on this sun for a moment. You may never have paid
attention to this area of your body before. This sun represents your inner strength,
your intuition, and all your inner resources. Allow your sun to glow brighter and
stronger each time you pay attention to it.
Flower Essences/Herbal Healing:
● Golden Yarrow,
● Marshmallow Root,
● Lemon Balm,
A lot of these herbs can be made into a tea. You can buy them loose or purchase
from your favorite tea shoppe. I would always make sure you are buying pure,
organic tea leaves.
Again, if this is not familiar behavior it will feel scary, awkward and unnatural at
first, but anything worth doing to instill a strong sense of self is far more important
than allowing yourself to suffer anymore.
People may not like it at first and that is natural because they have been used to
getting their own way with you. Keep it up. With practice you will get more skillful
and graceful and over time it will be as natural as breathing.